4/5/18: Had been 8 years, but I still feel the pain. I was the naive stupid girl when I was young who always thought that grandparents will stay with you at least till University. I remember when I was young, I wanted to let both my ah gong and ah ma see me graduate from University. Now that I am in University, but ah gong is not around. It really broke my heart.
The entire week of his funeral, I was just a crying mess. It was to the extent that even my relatives can’t console me. Ah gong is my first relative to pass away so to be honest, I didn’t know it would hurt that much. I only saw death on TV and people would cry. But when it really happened, the pain in your heart is not just emotional. It is physically painful to know that you no longer have the chance to be nice to your ah gong anymore. And until today, I still regret very much that I hadn’t been a good granddaugher to him.
I wish I had more time with him and made more memories. I wish that I was more mature back then and spent time with him. But now, all these will just remain as a regret I will carry throughout my life because he is gone, and there is nothing I can do.
Whether there is an afterlife, I have no idea. But if there is, I will tell him ‘I’m sorry’ when I cross over there. I’m sorry for being an useless granddaughter. I’m sorry for not spending more time with him while I can.
I’m sorry that despite my weird feeling when leaving the hospital the day before his death, I didn’t say anything. That weird sixth sense, I would never forget. It was as though I know something will happen but I did not think too much. I didn’t know much about his condition. I thought he would be fine.
He held both my brother’s and my hand the day before. I think he knew about his death. I just wish that I wasn’t so immature back then.
My ah gong is a wonderful man. And I will always remember him as such. I was the only grandchild that he drove home from the hospital after birth because he fell sick afterwards. He doted on me. And I will always remember that.
I will spent more time with everyone I love because I don’t know how much time we have with each other. But I don’t want more regrets. I didn’t have many memories with my ah gong, and that is my biggest regret in life. If only I knew that life doesn’t last as long as we wish for it to be.
todae ah gong bid everyone goodbye. he have left for his next life…
everyone was very upset. although my plan for todae was ruin, i felt more upset that i could never see him again. zheng long still did not know i tink.
R.I.P. 希望你在另外一个世界会快乐。 要吃饭，喝水。 偶尔想一下我就好了。 我会写信给你的。
- i am feeling:
sad
Related: RIP 姑婆
