Goals in life

Sometimes, I don’t. I just make myself believe that I know what I wanted, but the truth is, I don’t.

I do admit, it is really my childhood dream to help the sick and the suffering. But do I still want to do it? I really don’t know.

It feels to me that I forced myself to love helping people and to love science. Because I do not wish to give up my childhood dream, and also if I gave it up, there is nothing else I can do. Since this is all I aimed for since I was in kindergarten.

What if, my real passion is something else? Wouldn’t I wasted my entire life till now, dreaming for a future I don’t even wanted?

I remember back in Primary 2, when I knew there is Science in Primary 3, I told myself, I love science. But I haven’t even learnt it yet. What makes me think I’ll like it. Yet I still insist I love it, and it is still the same now. I say I love science, but is that really true?

The thing is, since my childhood dream was to help people, my life till now have only been exposed to related stuff. I never go and try out other interests, and devote my life to life science.

I’m scared, that one day I’ll realise, my entire life is a lie. I lied to myself that I love science. I lied to myself that I want to help the sick and suffering.

Right now, I’m confused. I know what I do not want, but I really do not know what I want.

All my life, I tell myself I really love life science, and studying it will help me save people. I take pride that I stay true to my childhood dream. I mean, how many people will work towards their childhood dream right? Well, what if I don’t really want to pursue my childhood dream afterall? Everything would be wasted, my time and hardwork.

But then again, if I give up my dream, what else can I do? NOTHING. Because all my life I made myself believe that all I love is science and nothing but science.

I am really really confused now. Do I really, really want to help people? Is there a way to find out?

I admit honestly, I enjoy helping people. But is that what I really want to do for the rest of my life? Or do my interest lies somewhere else?

Should I really continue in this path? Or do something I’m good at?