I should do a reflection of my poly life till now since I have no intention of sleeping, thanks to my ruined body clock.
Cell biology is over!! This deserves celebration!
Ok, I’ll start with class first because that is my main part of poly life.
So far, I’m still okay with my class. It feels way better than secondary school class. Well, at least nobody bitch about me like straight in my face. Who knows? Maybe they do talk bad stuff about me behind my back, but you know, ignorance is bliss. I choose to believe in the good side. Anyway, my class seem so studious, their conversation probably revolves around science.
Anyway, even if they got something to say about me, it probably be the following few:
-My terrible fashion sense (I wear slippers with jeans :P)
-How noisy I am, because I really am when I’m happy
-How unsociable I am, although I do not know if I look the least friendly in class
-How stupid I am
One thing they cannot say is that I’m a nerd, because they confirm study more than me. Like in the whole class I look like I studied the least.
Classmate wise, I have to say I haven’t hate anyone so much I don’t want to see him/her yet. Which is good, means I’m either neutral with them or comfortable with them. And being in a class that is majority girls is a bonus for me. I have been saying I should really try talking to guys but until now, the fear is still there so I still avoid them as much as possible.
I will classify the class in two groups, the ones I’m comfortable with and the ones I’m awkward with.
I remember, when school just started, the clique was only 4 people. Now it is 7 and more lively and cheerful. Many things happened throughout this semester that help me understand them more. I feel comfortable and happy with them, but not yet the very-super-duper close type. Maybe I don’t know them long enough.
Even your very-super-duper close friends will leave one day, if you suck. That happens to me a lot
Yah, and the other group of people who I’m still awkward with. They’re nice people, just that I’ve nothing to say to them and I’m socially awkward. The level of awkwardness between me and them is ‘they walk past me and I don’t know if i should say hi or wave or ignore them’ type of awkward. Even calling them by the name feels weird. Maybe it is just me and my personality.
Studies wise, I feel that I became stupid after coming to poly. How did I manage to drop from above average student in my school to one of the dumbest in class? I can’t always blame it on my no biology background. Side info: when I say no biology background it is not only I didn’t take in Upper Secondary. My Lower Secondary Biology teacher is not good at all and I literally study the whole thing on my own cause it is just that bad. I went on to Upper Secondary without understanding osmosis and diffusion at all. I guess is my last minute mugging attitude that caused my fall. Like what we used to learn in Social Studies, ‘What works in the past may not work now and what works now may not work in the past’. If you are wondering did we even learn this in Social Studies, go think of ‘Park and Ride Scheme’.
I shall now list some surprising stuff I did in poly that I’ll never do in the past.
Going for class outing. Honestly, I cannot imagine going for class outing in secondary school. Even meeting classmates on weekends makes me uncomfortable already. In secondary school, I do not know how many class outing they host, but I only went once because my friend wanted. Even those in school class party I’ll just sit one side and do my own stuff. But in Poly I actually went for both class outing. Well, at least I put in effort to look sociable. Trust me, class outing can be fun too. It just depends on which class you are going with. For me, I went for two outings, one with class and one with class plus buddy class. The one with just my class is way more fun and comfortable. Sorry, I’m not close with my buddy class, and do not really intend to be close with them too. What is the point of being close to people who probably won’t be there anymore the next year? (This line is inspired by some holocaust survivor, just that it is not year but day)
Joining back red cross. I swore to myself in Secondary 2, that after I’m done with red cross in Secondary School I will never ever join back red cross. Guess which CCA I am in now? Even I don’t know why I’ll join back. SP have so many CCA, but only Red Cross give me the familiar feel. The rest have this scary aura and I don’t really want to join. Plus, red cross is probably the only one I’m interested in. And the scarier part is that I even joined their sub comm, which is something I will never do in secondary school because studies come first sounds like bullshit. But yeah, I don’t know why and how I joined back, but I’m in red cross again.
I’m loving my CCA for now. Reminds me of my past BDD experiences in Secondary School, although like most of the time my memories of helping out in blood donation drive is giving flyers and giving flyers. It is really hilarious when you go to those HDB flats and give flyers, and suddenly got dog barks and you see people screaming and running away. I missed those times. And giving flyers at Compass point. Those days. I missed it. 정말… Wished I had cherished those days instead of complaining so much. Umm, back to CCA (went off to my old red cross memories hahahaxD), the people are friendly and a little overly friendly, from my view. To other people it may be normal and welcoming, to me is scary. I wish I’m more people orientated. I wish I wasn’t scared of meeting new people. I wish I did not have to go through so much I develop this type of abnormal fear. But anyway, red cross people are nice people. Anyway, you join red cross because you like helping people right? So obviously they will be nice people. Nice people give me hope that the world still have some kind people who genuinely wish to help people. In Secondary School, it feels to me that good people have extincted and people no longer help others from their heart. It just feels that people help each other for benefits. So, joining back red cross have good things too. My faith in humanity is slightly restored. I wish there are many more nice people existing around.
In poly I feel that I can finally show my true self to others. I don’t bother hiding who I am because sooner or later it will reveal. Why try so hard to cover anyway? Yes, I’m awkward like shit at first, but I’m actually ultra hyper when I’m comfortable. I get moody when it comes to test or exam. I seldom get serious, unless people starts pissing me off or it is really an important task. I like to try stuff and do things in different ways (causing a lot of problem in labs). I don’t like to study. I like to talk about others (not the bad stuff though, I know how much it sucks). I have really bad temper when I’m angry. I’m fastidious and I guess many people will knows. Even the Udon stall auntie at FC3 knows I don’t like carrots now.
Oh, and I signed up for camps volunteeringly. Last time, I siam as many camps as possible, but now I love attending and signed up myself and pay myself also ahem. I don’t have much memories of fun camp though. That is why I wish to start collecting good memories in Poly.
If you ask me to describe school now, I will say it is paradise. I love school and look forward to going to school. I’m actually sad that 1/6 of school is gone already. When I see people tweet things like ‘Hooray 1/6 of poly life is over’ I feel sad because I don’t want it to end so soon. I need to create more memories before graduating. And I need to get rid of many fears before graduating too.
Shall go to sleep now. Need to mug one semester worth of mathematics within two days.
