5/5/18: I’m not kidding when I say I have weird feelings when something bad is going to happen. It can be kind of scary.
To be honest, I have no idea if this is considered a premonition.
The night before Ladies Code’s car accident, I had a sudden urge to google about Super Junior’s Kyuhyun car accident back in 2007. I thought that was just because I was interested in Super Junior and was curious so I read about the accident and went to sleep. I woke up the next day and found out about Ladies Code’s accident. At that time, I had a weird feeling already. Why is it that just one night before I went to google about Kyuhyun accident, and the next day they had an accident?
Then, one night before RiSe’s passing, I thought if it is better for her if she don’t make it if she were to suffer her whole life due to injury. I thought about it with no conclusion, because afterall I’m not her and she may want to continue living her life. She had a bright future. On the day when they announced Ladies Code’s accident and I knew that RiSe had a brain surgery, I didn’t have a good feeling that it will end with a good ending already. Brain surgery usually comes with complication and long recovery period. Plus her surgery lasted so long and had to stop due to some reasons.
Both EunB and RiSe died so young. They had a future. They had a dream. They died while doing something they loved.
Which brings me to think about myself.
What if I died young too? What if I died while doing something I loved? Will I have regrets?
Dying young may not be a bad thing afterall. I just watched On Call 36 hours II and I realised, dying young may not be as bad as we thought. At least we don’t have to go through the pain of losing our loved ones. As long as during the short life we had, we do not have regrets, dying young may not be a bad thing.
If I were to die young, I hope my death will be painless. I have very low pain tolerance, so I wish for a painless death. I wish by the time I die, I would have fulfilled all my dreams and wishes. I do not want to die regretting many things.
I sincerely hope that my existence had made some impact on people’s life. I wish that people will remember me even after I die. My biggest fear is to die without accomplishing anything. If that is the case, my whole life would be spent in vain. I’m scared, after I die, nobody will remember me and that is the end of my existence on Earth. My name, will completely disappear and will never be bought up again, as though I have never existed before.
I know I won’t live a long life. It is only a matter of time before scoliosis ruin my lungs and reduce my lungs ability. I’ll live a meaningful life. There may be difficult path waiting for me, but I believe that is to see if I deserve to continue living.
