My journey in Science

4/5/18: Apparently my decision to study cancer was a random one. It seem like an impulsive decision that stuck with me till today.

My journey in Science wasn’t a smooth sailing one.

I started learning science at the age of 9. At that age, science was really cool. It’s a new subject, and you get to learn amazing things you never knew.

However, my passion does not equate to results. Throughout my primary school life, my science results were horrid, and I never knew how to study it. Surprisingly, I’m good in physics, but I never grew an interest in it. I like animal biology, particularly human’s. Yet for some reason, my biology is really bad and I never scored well on it.

PSLE came, and the only subject that I even bother to study a little was science. Result: B

It didn’t hit me that B was not a good grade at that age. I was 12, and studying was not what I like. PSLE to me was just another exam and I didn’t put in any effort to it. I thought getting a B was good enough.

Until I went to Secondary school.

My first science teacher made us said our PSLE science grade in class. Most of my secondary school classmate got A or B for science. This was when I thought, perhaps I could have done better.

I tried to study hard for science, but it doesn’t help when you don’t get good teachers and good studying environment. I wasn’t good in studying, and have no idea how to study science. My science grades are Bs and Cs throughout my first 2 years of secondary school.

I did worst in biology.

1. I could not understand the teacher at all. I remember my biology teacher was a man with no temper. My class is a noisy one, and my biology teacher has no way of controlling them. Biology class was torturous and I can hardly understand anything.
2. I’m never good in biology. My strength is physics, because everything is linked and makes sense. Biology on the other hand, is more of memorising work. And at that age, I have no idea how to study or memorise biology.

The final exam before we choose our upper secondary subjects came, and my science results was rubbish. I scored a 13.5/30 for biology, 14.5/30 for chemistry and 21/30 for physics. I managed to barely pass the paper with the help of general paper and my physics score.

When I had to choose my subjects for upper secondary, I decide to opt for Pure science. My overall school ranking was 93, and I knew only the top 2 classes have pure science. This makes 80 spots for pure sciences students. My chances are slim but I decided to take the gamble.

I manage to get in, but I got into a Pure Chemistry/Physics class. Although I didn’t get what I wanted (which is biology), I decided to just take what I can. I thought that I should at least do well in O levels, and afterwards take biology in JC. I have more confidence in Physics than Biology and I thought it could be advantageous if I just do physics for O levels. 2 years without biology will be worth it, I told myself. Anyway, a science teacher from lower secondary told me, the science combination you take for O levels doesn’t matter in future anyway. What lies.

I struggled a lot in upper secondary, as I cannot understand Chemistry at all. I spent the bulk of my time doing Chemistry that I don’t even bother Physics anymore. I failed my first Chemistry exam, but I barely passed my Physics. I was disappointed and started to put in a lot more effort into my Chemistry. I only had one goal, and that was to pass the next exam.

Luckily for me, I was doing well in my two Mathematics subjects, and also my humanities. My Chinese was doing reasonably well, and my English is at the same standard since young so it doesn’t bother me too much.

I poured in lots of effort and did my TYS religiously, only to barely scrape through a pass. I was pleased. But I was not there yet. I’m still not performing well, and I need to improve.

The thing is, I do not know how to study. Studying to me is just repeating the same thing over and over again. I read textbook so many time but I do not know what I am reading.

Luckily for me, I got a really good Chemistry teacher in Secondary 4, and she helped me pull my Chemistry grade up from a C6 to B3 in prelims. During my prelims was the first time I saw a 60+ on my Chemistry paper. I was so happy, as though my effort paid off. I knew I’m starting to get better, so I throw in even more effort into it. It was also the time I start to understand the concepts.

At the same time, I found out about Diploma in Biomedical Science, and I was set on getting into Singapore Polytechnic’s because it has the lowest cut-off point among all of the Polytechnics in Singapore. I want to get into the best course, and I knew SPDBS was it. After failing DPA (direct poly admission), I knew I had to work even harder in order to get in. The intake every year is small, and the cut-off point will require me to get mostly distinctions in order to have a good chance in entering.

I was a pro-JC student until I realised that my subject combination for O levels was not eligible for me to study Biology in JC. I was devastated, being cheated by my lower secondary science teacher. I could not do anything by that time, I was already Secondary 4. This is when I learn about Diploma in Biomedical Science and it became my new goal.

Because of all the Chemistry I’ve done in secondary school, I start to grow a liking for it. I thought maybe if I really couldn’t do Biology, my backup plan will be to study to be a chemist. My Chemistry teacher’s passion for the subject passed on to me and studying for it become less tiring.

In the end, I scored ok for my O-levels and got my very first A for both Chemistry and Physics. Although it is only A2, but I was really happy. I never got an A for science before in Secondary school, and only 50% of us taking pure science got the distinction. I was usually the last few in ranking in science tests, and being the 50% who got distinction is really amazing for me.

I scored well enough to apply for Biomedical Science and I knew I can 100% get in because I scored 2 points lower than the previous intake’s cut-off (lower score is better).

Getting into Biomedical Science was the happiest thing that happened in my life. But at the same time, my biology nightmare is back again.

Like I said, I’m not good in biology even though it is my passion. Like I always told my friend, I went into Biomedical science with so little Biology concept in my head. At that time, an animal cell only consists of cell membrane, cytoplasm and nucleus. That was how bad it was.

My first lesson in polytechnic was cell biology, and in the very first hour, my lecturer finished animal and plant cell and its organelle. I was in shock, since when was a cell so complex. I could not digest or understand anything.

This was when I knew, I’m in deep shit.

My other classmates were complaining about how difficult for it but scored decent for mid-semester test. On the other hand, I’m getting 50+ (D grade). At first, I was relieved. Until I knew everyone scored really well, like 70+. That was when I knew, this is no joke. D grade is GPA2.0 if I am not wrong (never really got so low so I’m unsure). And I got D grade for both cell biology and microbiology’s mid-semester test.

I mugged like hell for term 2 in order to pull my grades up. I am lagging behind badly, and I’m dying because most people have a biology background and knew how to study biology.

I survived. My lowest grade for that semester was B+. Which was a HUGE relieve.

I didn’t do good in my second semester in poly. Seeing my grades, I gave up my science dream. I cried for a few nights because science is kinda my life dream. When I was really young, like kindergarten age, I wanted to help people as my life goal. I held onto that dream and grew up. My parents told me to help people, I have to be good in mathematics and science. I can do a career in science and help people. So I wanted to be a scientist. I held onto that dream since a really young age. Giving up after one year in poly was really my breaking point. I was so despaired I thought of changing course to something I can easily ace instead. However, I could not bare wasting a year, leaving my friends and my CCA. I decided to stay on in SPDBS, but my new goal was to be a medical social worker instead since it also helps people.

Year 2 came, and my GPA improved a lot more. I figured how to study biology and is starting to grasp everything. I finally feel like a science student. Year 2 was a conflicting year. I knew my science is improving, but I held on to my social work dream instead. I did not want to go through the same pain I felt since Secondary 4 because I was not good in Science.

People sometimes ask me why did I choose science and make my life so difficult. I can easily ace in business or computer courses but I decide to study something I’m weak in. All I can say is passion. But passion does not translate to grades. My forte was not my passion. My talent is not in what I like.

I went to intern during my final term in Year 2. In my first 3 weeks, the company I was with made me do administrative work and I wasn’t allowed into the lab. I became slightly depressed and cried a few times at work because I could not take the mental torture of doing computer and admin work. I was not allowed into the lab and it makes me really sad. When I finally finished my 3 weeks and can enter the lab, I was very sure of one thing.

I want a career in science. I will do science in life.

It is hard to explain, but when I was deprived of science, I felt something was missing in my life.

Year 3 came, and I had to do Final Year Project. It is a year-long research project. This was when I knew, I want a career in science research. No matter how late I had to stay in the lab, I felt natural. As though it is where I’m supposed to belong.

Also, my lecturer gave me a practical class group to do practical report together. He assigned, so I cannot do it with my usual clique. I got a free-loader girl in my group, and my group was only 3 people (some groups have 4). My partner and I had to do pair-work for almost all report because the girl will either not do or give wrong/copy-paste answers. This lecturer always gives difficult questions and we need to do a lot of research and discussion. When discussing ideas with my partner and classmates, I felt like “Wow, I became a science student”.

I knew it. This is what life want me to do. This is fate. I was fated to come polytechnic and learn  how to study biology. I was fated to come polytechnic to get the basics of biology. I was fated to come polytechnic to gain leadership experience and make good friends.

SPDBS was a tough road for me. For someone with zero biology background to someone who can understand biology concepts, I really grow a lot in 2 years. This is why I always believe people needs to undergo hardship to learn.

And I’m ready to do Biological Science in University now. I know this is the path I’m supposed to walk.