The higher you go, the scarier it becomes.
Once upon a time, I was easily the top few. Why is it now that I am just one of the many?
I don’t like to be so average.
The more I study, the more stupid I feel. There are so many things I need to know, but I can’t. There are so many people better than me, so many people who can easily replace me. I am not special.
Do you remember those days when teachers believed in you? When you said that you want to be an astronaut and everyone cheered for you? Those days are long over. It is now the days when whatever you say doesn’t matter anymore. If you do not hit the grade, you don’t get what you want.
Since when did our world become so grades centric? Who says a B average student can’t do her job well too?
Hiding won’t hide it
Smiling won’t hide it
Like I ain’t tried it
Everyone’s tried it now
And failed somehow
I think I hit an all-time low of my life. I never felt so stupid. What if I was never made for University? What if my fate was never in science?
All I want to do is to fulfil my childhood dream. Seem like I need a new dream. Because Biomed has no space for stupid student. It has no space for me.
But you know what?
When I was young, my mum used to sing me a song.
自己跌倒，自己爬
You think I will give up so easily?
I will climb out of my misery. So what if I am just a B average student? Perhaps someone would adopt a B average student. Perhaps someone would value my analytical skills over my memorization skills. And I will have to search for this someone.
It’s just sad that there are people who can do both. People who are just born smarter than me. And no matter how hard I try, I can never be them. It is like our gene, we can’t modify them.
It still sucks not to be special. We all want to be the star on the Christmas tree, but we’re just one of the many ornaments.
I’ve fell down too many times, bruised so many times. So when will I escape this cycle and become the person I always wanted to be? Or am I really fated to be normal for life?
