So, I am back in the dating scene. After a short-lived attempt back in July, I came back for good because I got my eyes on Bayshore that is launching next year. I’ve lost too much of my original plan, I can’t give up my living near ECP dream.
Honestly, it isn’t easy. Even though I am very sure I will never fall for that arsehole again, or even entertain him ever, I won’t say that I am 100% over him. I mean… He was the only person that ever made me have the courage to make the first move. I am very sure someday I will get over him, but for now, he still comes back into my mind every now and then. And I must make sure the next guy I meet is not a replacement for him, but somebody I truly like. He is not special enough to make someone else his alternative. He is not and will not be.
Currently trying to manifest my ideal man. I really really hope the next person I am going to date will be the very last. I am so tired of trying and trying and getting hurt in the process. I know it is partially my issue, because for fuck reason I always reject the normal and nice guys just to follow my heart. This is like the only thing I listen to my heart more than my brain and it has never ended well. The INTP/ENTP in me just refuse to listen in this aspect like whyyyyy? My life never had problem because I listen to my brain, but in love I just fail horribly.
This time round, I am no longer listening to my heart. In fact, maybe I will just, dissociate and not feel while going through the process. As long as he is compatible, I am sure I will eventually fall for him, right?
I am not even asking for a Korean main character kind of man from kdrama. I just want a normal, stable man to fall for. Surely whoever is up there in the sky won’t deny me this much, right? I take back what I said back when I was in uni. I want back my luck, fuck my research career. I already left that career so give me back my luck. 🙁
Whatever I wanted to do for that arsehole, I will do it double for the next guy I fall for. Since he has the balls to break my heart, I hope that he knows I will be making someone else happier than what I would have done for him.
Which reminds me the last time I sang You Belong With Me and my friends said that that was a shit ton of emotions in the song. I never told them about him before, but I guess the song really relates at that time. Growing up is realizing if the man has such shit taste to be with that kind of girl, let him be. Someday he may turn back and realize what he had lost, but by then it would be too late.
Oh well. I must move on. Let’s hope I will never see him again in this lifetime, and may I meet my future husband soon. Like… real soon please I am really tired already.
Hang on tight because who knows, the next time I post something here, I may be writing the next chapter of my life with a dream man. HAHAHA let this girl dream. 🥲
